


Galaxies in my stomach

by twilightdazzle



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 03:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10235213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightdazzle/pseuds/twilightdazzle
Summary: “Do you ever think of just…leaving?” Jyn asked suddenly during another silent night on Hoth.“All the time, Kid,” Han answered gruffly, meeting her gaze only briefly.He didn’t expand on that answer, and Jyn didn’t expect him to because she gets it. No matter what reason they have to leave, there will always be a bigger one to make them stay.And of course those reasons are a rebel spy and a dedicated princess.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, it's hard not to write something about Jyn and Han because I can definitely see a great friendship blossoming there.
> 
> Almost as beautiful as Jyn and Cassian and what could have been *uncontrollable tears*

Sometimes, during the lonely, bitterly cold nights on Hoth, Jyn sat on the outskirts of the hangar, knees drawn tightly into her chest and a heavy scarf tightly wrapped around her neck as her deep green eyes would stare wistfully at the stars.

They would glitter and blink back cheerfully, as if a war wasn’t tearing the galaxy apart around it, as if there weren’t millions of living creatures existing in constant pain and terror. And maybe that’s why they comforted her. The stars were always there, a constant, the only one she’d ever had in her life. When she was a girl, she used to do the same thing, during her short, violent years with Saw Gerrera and even the long, violent ones after. The absolute vastness of the universe terrified and thrilled her all at once. In her darkest nights, it was easy to look up for just a second and imagine that there was a planet or a moon somewhere untouched by war and grief and loss. And that one day she would find it and she would be free.

For a few brief moments after Scarif, after she and Cassian had been miraculously and rather desperately dragged onto a ship by Baze, Chirrut and Bodhi, she thought Yavin IV would be that planet. And, briefly, it was. They all spent a week in the medbay, standard medical protocol with a mission of this magnitude. Though Jyn and Cassian’s injuries were the worst of the bunch – fractured ribs, blaster wounds, sprained knees and ankles – they were all required to remain under supervision for mental and emotional observation. They mourned, of course, for the loss of their fellow heroes, but they did it together. 

Chirrut and Baze stayed for another two weeks before they announced their departure – ‘your path will find you,’ Chirrut had said serenely as she begged them not to go, ‘but our path does not end here’ – and then it all became real again. Bodhi was cleared for active duty before them. Despite his very visible anxiety, the other pilots accepted him quickly, and he was swept into the Alliance before she could even blink. And then it was her and Cassian, and she didn’t completely mind. It was a fleeting few weeks of comfort, of his weight pressed against her side as she helped him regain strength in his injured knee, of his strong chest against her back and arms around her waist when the nightmares became too much, of lingering gazes and almost touches when words weren’t enough. But Cassian was valuable, far too good at his job to have him sit idle for long, and then the Alliance took him too.

Jyn didn’t fit in the way he and Bodhi did. She didn’t have the agility of a pilot or the lethal subtlety of an intelligence officer. Everything about her was reckless, independent, unexpected. She was a very volatile asset for the Rebellion to have, and for the first several months she was shuffled about from team to team, never staying quite long enough to make any friends or form any attachments. Loneliness was familiar to her, but now it felt like debilitating emptiness because she actually had people to miss.

Bodhi hadn’t passed through Hoth in nearly six months, and she often watched the night sky in hopes that his ship would suddenly part the darkness. Other times, her eyes blinked from each glittering light to the next, wondering where Baze and Chirrut had decided to land, wondered if it was warm and sunny instead of desolate and bitterly cold. It was nights like this where she felt that familiar pull in her stomach, that unscratchable itch in her skin. 

She could run. It would be easy. It would be easy to hop into a Starfighter or an idle cargo ship and just…be free. 

The rebellion had released her from Imperial prison walls, but now she had begun to feel trapped in theirs. She wanted to win this fight, wanted so badly to watch the Empire’s flags be burned across the universe, but sometimes, she wanted to live just as much.

Jyn turned and looked over her shoulder when that pull in her stomach began to lurch a little too hard. While there were still several people milling about, her eyes immediately spotted Cassian not too far away, doing a checklist of all the equipment he would need for his departure in the morning, K2 sorely missing from his side. His face was stern but emotionless, really the only expression she saw on him anymore. Only twenty feet away, but he felt even further than Chirrut or Baze or Bodhi and maybe it was because she wanted him so much closer to her than he allowed himself to be.

As if sensing her gaze, he glanced up from his datapad to her hunched form in the corner. His dark eyes suddenly got this strange, far-away look in them for a second, the only change in expression she could see, before they moved back down to his screen.

Her chest ached. She couldn’t leave even if she wanted to. As much as the stars beckoned to her, Cassian was the gravity that held her in place. If he was here…so was she.

 

**********

They wanted to pair her up with Han Solo. When Jyn was summoned into her meeting with Mon Mothma, her fists had clenched and teeth had ground together, and from the looks of it, Solo wasn’t any more pleased than she was. He leaned casually against the wall, arms crossed arrogantly across his chest as his eyes regarded her blandly, an eyebrow crooked in what looked like amusement. Aggravation flared violently inside her at his appraisal – or judgment would be a better would. 

“So you’re Sergeant Erso?” he said as he sauntered closer to her after the meeting was over. She had to tilt her head back to gaze up at his taller figure, but she didn’t back down, simply placed her hands defiantly on her hips and scowled at his taunting grin. “Hm. I thought you’d be taller. Hope you like wookies, Kid.” And then he walked away with a brief, dismissive glance.

Jyn fucking hated him. Mothma had finally lost her mind, putting two ex-criminals with their reputations together. How could they be productive in any sense? He had an ego the size of the Death Star and a stubbornness that nearly rivaled her own. And she was supposed to take orders from him? The odds of that happening were so stupidly low, she was sure even K2 would have agreed with her.

As she relayed those exact concerns to Cassian over a late night caf in the mess hall, he visibly flinched at the mention of the droid, and guilt stung her.

“Cass, I’m sorry,” she said softly, the anger rushing from her in a breath. Her hand instinctively went to his where it rested atop the metal table. 

He took a deep breath, eyes closed for a brief moment, before clearing his throat. “It’s okay, Jyn,” he said smoothly, his mask slipping back into place. Then, as if finally realizing that she was touching him, he extracted his hand from hers under the guise of scratching the coarse hairs along his chin. Something in her chest throbbed, but she pushed it away, instead eyeing Cassian silently as he sipped on the caf, wishing desperately for him to say anything at all.

 

**********

Jyn had been wrong. It had happened before, even though she hated to admit it.

Though it had taken a few weeks and a couple missions, she discovered that she quite liked Solo. The first mission had been a silent, awkward affair where she had met his every word with sarcasm and eye rolls. He hadn’t taken well to those reactions, jaw clenching and impatience evident behind his glare. The smuggler never gave away that he found her wit to be quite sharp, and she never let him know that his affinity to bend orders while getting the job done was quite impressive.

Their second assignment off-planet had changed it all. He earned her respect somewhere between his absolute indifference for Draven’s pompous, overly-authoritative demands and the way he’d dragged an elderly woman away from Imperial fire, and she’d earned his between the moment she’d been more than willing to take a blaster shot for Chewbacca that ultimately missed them both and the one where she’d charged into a group of Storm Troopers with eyes blazing.

They went for a drink afterwards in a shady, rundown cantina that made Jyn feel quite at home, and when Solo grinned at her conspiratorially over his glass as a pair of drunken Twi’lek challenged them to some not-so-innocent gambling, she knew that they’d be just fine.

 

**********

She didn’t ask him about Leia, and he didn’t ask her about Cassian, but she watched him enough to understand exactly what was going on. Though he never directly mentioned the princess, it was easy to see that she was always on his mind. His figure immediately gravitated toward her in the hangar after they landed, his dark eyes always followed her petite form in the halls, and he instinctively became more alert when any woman dressed in white passed across his vision. The old Jyn would call it pathetic if she hadn’t been aware of the fact that she acted the same way around Cassian.

They had much more in common then she wanted to admit. Because when she watched the way Leia’s small but imposing form abruptly separated from his at the word of a messenger and Han’s somber eyes followed her, she was reminded that, for them, the rebellion was a form of gravity, and everything else just seemed to drift around it. But for she and Han, that gravity didn’t really exist for them…until suddenly it did.

Leia and Cassian are just as alike as she and Han, she often thought during the quiet nights on Han’s rickety piece of junk he called a starship. They were born into the rebellion, and they would see it through until the end. And if, for even one second, they thought she or Han would turn their backs on that fight, then they would become nothing, just simple nothingness floating around in the infinite galaxy.

Jyn tried not to dwell on those thoughts for too long because having Cassian by her side in any nature he would allow…that was enough.

 

**********

“Do you ever think of just…leaving?” Jyn asked suddenly during another silent night on Hoth.

She was staring up at the stars, on the floor and huddled against the Millenium Flacon as he muddled with something on the exterior of the ship, occasionally barking brief orders to Chewie. His clanging immediately stopped at her question, and he brushed his brown strands from his sweaty face to take a brief glance to the diamond glow of the stars against their velvet black backdrop. 

“All the time, Kid,” he answered gruffly, meeting her gaze only briefly before he was back at it again.

He didn’t expand on that answer, and Jyn didn’t expect him to because she gets it. No matter what reason they have to leave, there will always be a bigger one to make them stay.

Jade eyes slid over to Cassian, speaking seriously with Draven several feet away as he prepared for a late night departure for his next assignment. Like always, his attention was drawn by her gaze. He locked eyes with her for a few brief moments, the richest of browns with the boldest of greens, lips almost twitching into a smile but not quite before he was back at attention.

Jyn sighed to herself, felt the soft burn in her chest increase to a full fire. She closed her eyes and let the sounds of the hangar overwhelm her: Han’s soft cursing, Chewie’s ineligible yowls, the soft murmur of engines and voices, Cassian’s presence reverberating through her bones.

The stars could call to her all they wanted, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready to answer.

 

**********

They slept together once – she and Cassian – a few months ago before she was partnered with Han. It wasn’t the way she pictured it happening, but it happened anyway.

Draven had briefly placed her on Cassian’s team for some relatively easy reconnaissance missions. It had all gone relatively well up until the point where she’d decided that she was perfectly capable of taking on a dozen Stormtroopers without backup. Though she had only ended up with a few bruises and minor cuts, Cassian had been furious, immediately initiating a yelling match with her once the entire team was on the ship back to Hoth. 

They had taken the argument to the lower deck, where their voices were muffled and their team members were less inclined to give them uncomfortable but curious glances. One thing had led to another, and suddenly Cassian’s mouth had been working furiously over hers, chest pressed to chest as their teeth knocked together. The adrenaline rushing through her veins had put her on a different type of high, and for some strange reason she could remember exactly the way every part of him had felt that day as he pressed into the wall of the ship. The way his fingers had been able to reach so deep inside her tight cunt, the way his hands curled in her hair, the way his hips snapped savagely against hers, the tickle of his harsh breaths on her neck as he mercilessly pounded into her.

Afterward, they dressed silently, and Cassian abruptly climbed back to the upper deck without a word. She had been incredibly anxious that it would ruin it for them, that Cassian would find her too much of a risk to continue to be around.

She hadn’t been sure if she was relieved or heavily disappointed when he joined her for a caf the next morning like nothing at all had happened. But she mostly leaned toward the latter.

It was incredibly hard to want him to the extent that she did, to feel so much emotion for one person, but she took what she could without question because maybe having some of him could be enough for her.

Unfortunately, it was incredibly easy to forget that her feelings weren’t being reciprocated. Because when Cassian was over a month late on his intended return date from his most recent off-planet assignment, she thought the worst for a long time. Then, he’d miraculously turned up in the hangar all battered and bruised, handsome face worn and tired but alive. 

She ran to him on instinct, eyes only registering the way his face seemed to light up at the sight of her. Like a fool, she flung herself into his arms, mindful of the broken arm he was nursing and kissed him hard on the mouth in full view of anyone who cared to watch.

“Jyn,” he hissed warningly against her mouth, pressing his good palm to her chest to create some distance between them as his eyes danced about warily to see if anyone had caught them.

She was certain something in her shattered at his hard expression, and her arms fell lax at her sides. Some of his fellow intelligence officers helped shuffle him to the medbay, but Jyn couldn’t watch his retreating back, could only focus on trying to still her trembling hands and her trembling lip as people went about their business around her.

It was much later when Han found her at the edge of the hangar, standing this time and not sitting. Her back was ramrod straight, body leaning forward into the cold as her arms wrapped tight around her petite figure, the reflection of the stars blazing in her eyes.

She was shivering, but Han wasn’t sure it was the cold this time.

“Not this time, Kid,” Han said almost softly, his hand coming down to grip her shoulder. He turned her to face him, and Jyn could only blink rapidly at him, willing away the tears that gathered thick on her lash line. “Not like this.” 

Loose strands of hair dampened by the soft fall of the snow clung to her chin and cheeks, eyes rimmed red as her jaw managed to tremble and clench at the same time. Han had never been much of an empathizer, but his heart clenched at the sight of her petite frame looking even smaller than usual. Silently, she allowed him to lead her away, further into the base and away from the hangar.

Neither of them noticed Cassian, arm wrapped up in a sling, watching them silently from the shadows.

 

**********

“He should’ve had your back!” Cassian all but shouted as he tailed Jyn down the hall of the base, his feet practically nipping her heels with every step.

“Han always has my back,” she snapped back viciously, only tossing a brief glare over her shoulder to see Cassian’s face brow furrowed in anger and lips pulled back in a growl. 

She didn’t want to do this right now. Her and Han’s latest mission had been a complete disaster. It was supposed to be a quick in and out until the civilians had erupted into an unexpected riot against the Empire. It was quick and violent, and Jyn, who had been attempting to blend with those same civilians in the market area, was savagely dragged in. Han and Chewie did their best to get to her, but she ended up with several cracked ribs, a twisted knee, a mild concussion, and several scattered bruises and cuts. Even after they pulled her from the fray, the riot went on for another two days, mingling with heavy Empire presence as they tried to quell the uprising. The trio had been stuck on the small planet with very little sleep as they attempted to evac themselves while avoiding Imperial forces. Ultimately, the mission went uncompleted, and they all went home exhausted, frustrated, and more than a little disappointed.

Cassian immediately accosting her after the debriefing didn’t help, especially since she was still fairly hurt and embarrassed from the incident a couple weeks ago.

“Oh does he?” Cassian retorted sardonically, a harsh breath that resembled a snort passing through his nose. “Then why is it that every time I read your mission reports, there’s another disaster that you have to pull yourself out of?”

Jyn pushed down a furious, frustrated scream that rose in her throat. She limped around another corner, silently begging someone to appear in the empty halls and interrupt them. “Then stop reading the reports! He brings me back alive, Cassian. Is that not good enough for you!”

His fingers suddenly closed around her elbow, yanking her around to face him. The twinge in her knee caused her to stumble into his chest, and he caught her with his other hand on her bicep, keeping his grip firm and her body close. She had to lean her head back to stare up into his eyes, dark and burning.

“No that isn’t enough, Jyn,” he said roughly. His dark hair fell forward into his face, making him look deadly and beautiful all at once. “Solo is reckless, undisciplined, flighty. The moment he finds a good cashflow somewhere else, the rebellion will mean nothing to him and he’ll -”

“Leave me behind?” Jyn finished scathingly, her teeth grinding together as her agitation grew, causing her head to pound with a headache. She straightened against him, refusing to back down, eyes sparking with fury. “Or are you afraid I’m going to run away with him?”

Cassian’s jaw muscles twitched, his breath coming out a little bit heavier, and something in his eyes becomes almost wild, vulnerable. He opened his mouth to respond when a voice interrupted his speech.

“Captain,” Draven said coolly, a rather bored Han leisurely strolling behind him, expression morphing into intrigue at the sight before him. Draven’s expression was hard, calculated even. “I need to discuss this last report with you.”

Cassian’s tight expression immediately slipped into one of aloof indifference, and Jyn’s stomach did that awful churn it always did when his mask came back on. He stepped away from her, fingers lingering for only a brief second on her elbow. “Of course, General.”

The two continued down the hall, Cassian with a rigid spine and his hands crossed behind his back. Jyn only allowed her eyes to follow his figure for a second before turning to face the smuggler. Han only quirked an eyebrow at her – maybe in confusion, maybe in understanding – but didn’t say anything, and she was glad. She took a slow, deep breath that made her ribs twinge painfully.

“You look like you could use a drink, Kid,” Han said as way of invitation. Jyn thought of her bed, how tempting the semi-softness of a mattress sounded at the moment, but the frustration and hurt and confusion that simmered beneath her skin made her suddenly restless.

“After you, Sir.”

 

**********

Another three weeks passed before they were finally assigned off-planet. Jyn had grown incredibly restless in that time, struggling to satisfy the itch for something important to do while simultaneously doing her best to avoid Cassian around base. The hostile tension roared between them like fire, something that made her skin burn and her heart ache, and she wasn’t ready to make that tension worse. Luckily, Bodhi had just returned to base, and she was able to occupy a good amount of her time with him, helping him tinker with his ship during the day and sipping something a little stronger than caf during the night. She often regaled him with stories of her adventures with Han and Chewie that had him clutching his stomach in laughter or listening with wide-eyed disbelief, and he often told her of the many friends he’d made and the sights he’d seen from the pilot’s seat. He never questioned her on Cassian’s absence from her side or the frown that constantly creased her brow, but he pressed a comforting hand to her shoulder every night before they retired, something that made affection whirl in her stomach. But just as he came, he went again, and Jyn watched his ship fade into the stars ten days later.

She was, perhaps, too eager for their assignment when it came around, joyously loading supplies onto the ship and enjoying some good-natured ribbing between her and Han. It seemed she wasn’t the only one who had been eagerly waiting for something to do. 

It was right before they departed, as she stood on the edge of the boarding ramp, soft flurries of snow blowing across her face, that she finally saw Cassian for the first time in nearly a month. He was across the hangar with Draven – as usual – whose mouth was moving rapidly, eyes trained dutifully to a datapad, but Cassian’s gaze was focused only on her. She wished her heart didn’t pound the way it did at nothing more than a look. His stance was tall and tense, like a coil ready to spring, and something in his mercurial stare made it seem as if only chains around his ankles were keeping him from stalking over to her.

But there weren’t any chains keeping him there, only choice, and Jyn turned her back to him to head deeper into the ship, something crumbling inside her at the fact that he had already made his.

 

**********

“To a fight well fought!” Han cheered, raising his glass, eyes glinting mischievously. Chewie roared back and Jyn laughed, raising hers as well. 

They were drunk, definitely more than they ought to be on an Imperial occupied planet like Corellia, but their mission had been a raging success, done within half the time they were excepted to complete it and with very little obstacles. The commotion of the seedy cantina hid their celebration from any suspicious eyes, not that anyone else in such a run-down shit hole would have anything but their own business to worry about.

Jyn was absolutely floating, still high off the adrenaline rush of the day, intoxicated from the Corellian rum, and more than pleased with the outcome of the mission. It struck her then that she had had fun today, more than she had in quite some time. They had gone completely off-plan, not that Draven or anyone else needed to know that, and it had worked amazingly. The rebellious flare inside her had – for once – been a valuable asset, and by the way Han had stared at her incredulously when she hi-jacked the ship she most definitely should not have been in, she knew that he was impressed. It was times like this – sitting at a dingy table in the corner of the cantina, the giddiness of success bubbling in her stomach and the weightlessness of freedom in her laugh – where she considered how easy it would be to run, to not feel the restraint of duty and order. There were other ways she could help the rebellion. It would be easy.

Jyn laughed when Chewie drunkenly lumbered away from their table to the bar, easily shoving aside anyone in his way. Han’s eyes on her face drew her attention, and her smile froze in place when she recognized the burn behind his eyes, knew what that gaze meant. This would be easy. He was handsome, rugged, equally as criminal and almost as reckless. It would be easy to fuck him in the room they rented upstairs for the night and return to being partners in the morning; it would probably be fun too. The old Jyn would have done it. A few years ago, his arrogance would have been attractive, and that crooked, mischievous smile would have been enough to draw her into his bed.

But…

That was the Jyn before Rogue One. The Jyn before Cassian. She was certain that the Han after Leia couldn’t follow through with it either.

Instead, she smiled at him knowingly. “It won’t make it easier, Han,” she said. “It won’t make you forget her.”

He sighed deeply, running a hand over his face and releasing a loud groan. “You’re right, Kid.” And then a bit more somberly with a little bit of a slur, “of all the princesses in the world, why this one?”

Cassian’s face flashed behind her eyelids. “You wouldn’t choose another even if you could, Solo,” she teased, knowing she wouldn’t choose another captain, and Han reluctantly nodded his agreement. “But if anything will make you forget, it will be those.” 

Chewie slid three more glasses onto the table, and Han snatched his up sloppily, amber liquid spilling over the sides, raising it into the air for another toast. 

“To feelings and all the other fucking bantha fodder that comes with them!”

Their glasses clinked.

 

**********

“This is not how I thought the assignment would end,” Jyn gasped through her pain as Han hurriedly half-dragged, half-carried her down the boarding plank of the Millenium Falcon. 

Her arm was thrown over his shoulder and his was wrapped tightly around her waist, supporting the majority of her weight. Blood from the knife wound in her stomach had soaked through the bacta patch and into her dark shirt but had stopped bleeding around half an hour ago. It wasn’t fatal, but she’d lost a lot of blood and was beginning to see dark spots at the corners of her eyes. She’d only lost consciousness once though on the trip back from Corellia, so she thought that was pretty good.

“We definitely should not have drank that much,” Han gritted out, and Jyn could agree that imbibing as much as they had had caused her reflexes to be a great deal slower the next morning, when Stormtroopers had conveniently discovered them on the way back to the ship. 

The hangar was bustling with activity as usual, and Han shouted gruffly at anyone in his path to get the fuck out of the way. Jyn was breathing loudly and heavily, her legs weak and almost useless beneath her. 

Suddenly, Han stopped moving, crouching slightly so that he could move his arm beneath her knees. “Sorry, Sweetheart,” was all he said before lifting her off the ground to carry her in his arms.

Jyn made to protest, but the swift change in position interrupted her words with a gasp of pain, and she only moved to sling one shaky arm onto his shoulders. Han grimaced back at her but moved a lot quicker through the crowd, most of whom were eyeing the pair curiously.

“I’m not sure what hurts worse, the hangover or the wound,” Jyn weakly joked, head lolling onto his shoulder.

He took a brief second to glance down at her, face incredibly pale, lips pursed in pain, and a cold sweat beginning to break on her brow. “Normally I’d say the hangover, but you’re looking a little worse for wear, Kid.” A moment of silence and then, “Uh oh, here comes your Captain.”

Jyn turned her head away from Han’s shoulder to see Cassian marching toward her rather quickly, mask of indifference pointedly missing this time, his brow drawn together in concern, eyes wide with panic. His lips had just begun to form her name when the blackness spread across her eyes and she promptly passed out.

 

**********

She was only out for a couple of hours in the bacta tank, after which she was allowed a careful shower and pain killers to dull the very noticeable soreness. It would heal up nicely within the next couple of days, the medical droids had told her, but they would need to keep her overnight for observation. Jyn rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. At least her hangover had disappeared in the time that she’d been unconscious. 

Han strolled into her room just minutes after she’d settled back into one of the medical beds, hair damp like hers from a recent shower, slouched into a chair beside her, and propped his feet up on her bed. After a bit of good natured ribbing from Han – his way of apologizing when he considered any mishap during a mission to be his fault, which this wasn’t – they settled into a game of sabaac that had more than one medical droid shushing them in their exuberance. They eventually gave up with a weird squeaking/beeping that Jyn considered to be the equivalent of a huff before rolling away.

An hour into the game, the door to the medbay slid open and Cassian’s tall form quietly slipped into view. He approached her bed silently, standing several feet away and eyeing her unsurely but sternly all at once. His shoulders were tensed, his hair the slightest bit unruly so that some strands fell onto his forehead, and Jyn could see the tension around his mouth and the corners of his eyes. Han slid a questioning glance her way, and she only hesitated for a brief second before nodding at him.

“Alright, play nice kids,” he said airily as he made his leave, and Cassian’s eye twitched but he didn’t allow his gaze to leave hers.

The door slid shut with a soft hiss, and then the pair were left alone in silence. 

“How are you feeling?” Cassian asked after a long moment, but he made no movement to come closer.

“Fine,” Jyn replied curtly, chin tilted upward slightly in defiance. There was another incredibly long, excruciatingly painful moment of silence as they eyed each other. 

“Did you sleep with him?”

The question wasn’t one she was expecting, and she could see his fists clenching and unclenching at his side, like it pained him to even ask. “I thought about it,” she answered honestly and steadily. 

He took a deep, shuddering breath then, eyes slipping shut, as his head fell back slightly and his face scrunched in agony. She didn’t understand. 

“Why do you even care Cassian?”

“You know how I feel about you, Jyn,” he said tiredly, almost reluctantly meeting her gaze.

Jyn felt that frustration begin to rise in her again. “No I don’t,” she snapped. He blinked at her, confused, and looked like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what. “Tell me Cassian. Tell me how you feel about me because I’d really like to know.”

He ran a frustrated hand through his dark locks, fidgeting slightly in his heavy boots as he rubbed at his stubbled jaw. Jyn threw the scratchy blankets off her bare legs and pressed her bare feet into the cold floor, the flimsy hospital gown falling around her thighs. She approached him angrily, legs only the slightest bit shaky, and stood before him with her hands on her hips, vibrant green eyes narrowed up at him.

“Tell me Cassian. Because really, I have no idea, not with the way you’ve been acting lately.”

Her heart was thundering against her chest, anxious for what he might say, but the longer he stood before her, staring her directly in the eye but not saying anything, the more disappointment began to fester inside her. Maybe they would never get past this point, maybe there wouldn’t be any moving forward.

Just as the silence had reached an unbearable loudness and she adverted her eyes to the ground and prepared to move back to her bed, he reached out for her, one of his hands cupping her chin and stilling all movement. He tilted her chin upward slightly, gaze maybe more open and vulnerable than she’d seen in quite some time. For a brief second, she remembered the elevator on Scarif – the lights flashing across the handsome angles of his face, his breath dancing across her cheeks, the weariness of acceptance settling deep in her bones.  
“Jyn,” he began softly, voice hoarse with emotion. “You’re everything I have left. I can’t lose you. I can’t.”

Her mouth went unexpectedly dry at the pain twisting his expression, as if he’d already lost her, and she swallowed thickly. “Cassian” – her voice came out softer than she expected it to – “I’m here now. I’m with you.”

Something strange passed across his face. “I know, Jyn. And I need you to stay here with me. If you’re not here, then I don’t know if I…”

He trailed off and removed his hand from her cheek, running his hand through his dark hair in frustration. “That doesn’t explain anything, Cassian,” Jyn snapped, green eyes flashing as she watched him pace aimlessly before her, unable to stop her own agitation from presenting itself. “I just don’t understand what’s been going on with you.”

Cassian sighed deep and heavy, turning back to face her though he directed his glare to the ground. “The Empire has taken everything from me, and I won’t let the Rebellion do the same.”

“The Rebellion?” Jyn echoed in confusion, brow knitting together. “Cassian, what…” She went silent as she suddenly remembered Draven’s eyes in the mess and Cassian’s rigid demeanor, his cold presence beside Cassian’s in the hangar, the way his calculating gaze in the halls could remove Cassian from her presence in mere seconds. She suddenly felt sick, furious, and relieved all at once. “Draven?”

The way Cassian’s jaw clenched made the blood pound in her ears. Something Draven had said had put the normally fearless captain on edge, had made him act this way. He hadn’t been doing this to be malicious; he hadn’t wanted to be this way toward her.

This time, it was Jyn who stepped forward and pressed her hand to his cheek, forcing his suddenly weary gaze to hers, stroking his stubble with her thumb. “What did he say to you, Cass? Help me understand.”

Cassian hesitated for a long moment, as if he wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready to reveal the information to her, but the pleading in her eyes broke what little resistance he had left. “Draven,” he began slowly, the name falling off his tongue like something sour, “thinks that you’re a distraction to me. A liability. He thinks that…I’m far more focused on you than I am the rebellion.” He licks his lips but doesn’t break her gaze. “So he very strongly suggested that I learn to distance myself or I would be seeing much less of you in the future.”

“He threatened to have me reassigned to another base?!” Jyn asked incredulously, the heat of her fury warming her cheeks.

“Draven has numerous resources at his disposal,” Cassian answered. He clutched her elbow and pulled her closer. “I don’t know what he meant, and I wasn’t willing to find out.”

Jyn felt emotion choke her for a second. Despite everything she had believed, Cassian had been protecting her, had taken on the burden of Draven’s threat alone. She was still furious at being left in the dark and shoved to the side, but there were answers now, reasons she could – reluctantly – understand. Cassian was staring at her silently, giving her a moment to process the information, and the apprehension in his eyes told her that he maybe feared her rejection more than he ever feared Draven in the first place.

She pushed away the burn in her eyes and swelling in her chest to aggressively grab him by the front of his captain’s jacket. His eyes widened almost comically, but she didn’t have time to laugh because she was pressing her lips to his with every inch of emotion she could conjure. He reciprocated the kiss immediately, as if he’d been waiting for it, one hand pressed to the back of her head and the other to the small of her back. Stepping forward even further so that her chest was pressed to his and her small, bare feet were standing atop his combat boots, she deepened the kiss, tongue tangling leisurely with his. He felt more solid and real than he ever had before, all lean muscle and strength and rough lips against her own. 

“Fuck Draven,” Jyn spat with venom when they finally parted, slightly breathless from his kiss. “I don’t care about his threats, Cassian. He doesn’t scare me. We’ll take whatever comes together.”

The beautiful defiance in her eyes made something surge in his chest; affection, determination, hope. Jyn was a fire that burned every inch of his soul. Even though he was still wary, still aching with concern for the petite brunette before him, he didn’t think he could possibly keep his distance now. Not after he’d spent months burning with jealousy any time Solo shot a lazy smirk her way, not after lying in the cold loneliness of his bunk wondering if she was safe, not after watching her helplessly across the hangar every night and fearing that the next morning he would wake to the news that she had finally run, rushed off into the stars with the smuggler and the Wookie looking for freedom.

Jyn watched the emotions play across his face silently, the dimness that still lingered around the growing light in his eyes. “It’s not just Draven,” she said slowly, heart pounding nervously. 

Cassian was silent for a long moment, breathing deeply in and out, before he settled a serious and somewhat somber gaze on her. “Is this what you want? Being here?” At her startled look, he continued. “You always look like you’re ready to run. Like…you’re trapped in a cage when you’re here.”

Jyn didn’t hesitate to smile at him softly, picking up his hand and pressing a kiss to his palm. It was strange to do these things that once would’ve made her cringe. How easy they felt with him. 

“I want to be with you, Cassian. Wherever that may be, I’m with you.” Cassian smiled widely, something more genuine and beautiful than anything she’d ever witnessed before.

“We’ll make this work, yeah?” he said confidently.

Jyn stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her weight into his body. “Only if you stop thinking I’ll run away at any second.”

Cassian kissed her once, quickly but soundly. “And if you stop thinking I wouldn’t run after you if you did.”

 

**********

Not even an hour later, Han came strutting into the medbay with a smuggled bottle of Corellian rum in hand and a mischievous grin on his face. Cassian rolled his eyes and, for the most part, attempted to keep his eyes trained on his datapad while the ex-smuggler and Jyn drank straight from the bottle. He almost tried to argue with her on it because she was supposed to be resting and healing, but he was certain that a bit of laughter would do her more good.

Solo was crass and unapologetic, talking loudly and without restraint, and it was suddenly very easy to understand why the two had taken with each other so easily. They butted heads without offense, laughed at often inappropriate jokes, shared an almost tangible understanding of struggle and pain. There was nothing romantic about the way Solo smirked at her and the way she scowled back, and Cassian felt suddenly foolish for letting his paranoia keep him awake at night.

He managed to observe them in silence for a full thirty minutes before Solo began goading him to join them. Cassian was usually pretty good at keeping his composure, but Solo was a hellish type of annoying and the captain quickly found himself glowering at the other man before wrenching the bottle from his outstretched hand. The rum was top notch – not that he would say it out loud to the idiot’s face – and it was easy to settle into that warm haze that made him sink a little heavier into his chair. He let Solo tease him and even returned his pestering with dry, sardonic responses of his own because it made Jyn laugh, and he hadn’t been the one to make her smile for too long.

Eventually, Jyn reclined back into her bed and let her eyes flutter shut, leaving the pair in silence. Cassian moved some of the dark brown strands out of her eyes without thought, fingers grazing her cheek tenderly.

“So,” Solo said with a sigh, leaning his elbows forward onto his knees. “You finally fixed this whole mess.” His hand flapped between Cassian and Jyn.

“Yeah,” Cassian responded simply, eyes reluctant to move from the peace in Jyn’s face. “I should have done it sooner.”

Han grunted and stood, stretching and yawning as he went. “The kid is stubborn. She wouldn’t have given up on ya.” Cassian finally turned to face him, and something hard flashed across the ex-smuggler’s eyes. “But she deserved sooner.”

The spy didn’t say anything but nodded sharply in agreement, eyes burning with guilt. Han didn’t feel the need to dig the knife in any deeper. Instead, he scooped up his half empty bottle and leisurely strolled toward the door, stopping just in the entry way to look back. 

“You know, Captain, a lot of these Alliance generals just need to be put in their place every once in a while. The only thing more dangerous than losing a war is losing an asset that could help you win the war.”

Cassian gave him a pointed look. “You were eavesdropping.”

Han grinned, not the least bit bashful, and ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair. “I may have come by in the middle of a discussion that I may or may not have listened very intently to.” Cassian rolled his eyes. “Now, if you don’t mind, I have a princess to pester.”

Han saluted him mockingly and was walking through the door when Cassian called after him. “Solo.” He paused, eyebrow quirked as he glanced back at him. “Thank you.”

Han didn’t say anything, just offered him a jerky nod and an almost smile before slipping away. And maybe Cassian didn’t dislike him as much as he thought.

 

**********

Jyn’s thighs were trembling almost embarrassingly as she moved her hips over Cassian’s, the feel of his hard length inside her delicious and torturous all at once. He was flat on his back, her hands pressed to his bare chest for leverage, nails digging not lightly into his hard pectorals. His hands clenched tightly on her hips, helping her lift and sink in a rhythm that was both hard and slow, and she knew she would be tender there tomorrow. Cassian’s hips were surging up to meet hers stroke for stroke, and it was getting increasingly harder to breathe when the pleasure shot down her spine like lightning bolts. 

It was Cassian’s face, however, that really made her grow even wetter and her skin burn more fiercely. Arm muscles tensing with every movement, eyes closed in rapture, mouth falling open slightly with his heavy breathing, dark hair tossed haphazardly across his forehead. He was the picture of eroticism. Three days after her release from the medbay and they were finally – finally – having sex. Cassian had insisted they wait until she was properly recovered and after relentless teasing on her part – casually stroking his thigh during dinner, stripping for a shower before she was in the fresher, pressing her ass into his crotch as they slept – he had finally broken. They had just left a meeting with Leia and Mothma where Han wiggled his eyebrows suggestively the whole time when Cassian had practically dragged her to his room, pressed her into the wall, and first made her cum with his fingers inside her. Then, after they had both stripped rather sloppily, he had held her hips to the mattress and practically made her scream as his mouth relentlessly ravaged her cunt. Sliding onto his swollen cock had been an agonizingly blissful sensation.

Cassian had seen many sides of Jyn before. He had seen the fighter Jyn, the determined Jyn, the inspiring Jyn, and even the broken Jyn – and he prayed he would never have to see that one again – but the sensual, seductive Jyn was a sight to behold. She was all lithe limbs and surprisingly soft skin, curvy hips that narrowed into a small waist, dusty pink nipples that pebbled in the coldness of Hoth’s air, green eyes dark and sultry. Everything from the way she whimpered and bit her lip to the dark hair that danced freely along her collarbone made him groan in pained ecstasy. She was a fucking wet dream – one that he’d mostly definitely had before.

He sat up suddenly when her whimpers grew louder and his moans wilder, needing to be closer to her when he came. Immediately, one of his hands cupped her breast while his other roughly fondled her clit. Pressed flush against one another, Jyn arched her back, hands using his shoulders for balance as she drove herself onto his cock with abandon.

“Come on, Jyn,” he whispered huskily, lips grazing her ear and making her shiver. “Cum for me. Cum for me, mi amor.”

Cassian slipping into his native tongue finally made Jyn hit the peak, the force of her orgasm causing black spots to dot her vision as she choked on a gasp. The tightness of her walls fluttering around him hurtled Cassian into blinding ecstasy right after, and he groaned into her throat. She helped him ride out the brutal intensity of his release with a slow grinding motion of her hips before he collapsed backward onto the bed, taking her with him so that she lay limp and boneless against his chest. 

For several long moments, the only sound in the room was their heavy pants evening out gradually into calmer breaths. Cassian’s thumb absently stroked the dip of Jyn’s spine, and she listened intently to the thrum of his heart beneath her ear, let the steadiness of it in combination with the sated exhaustion lull her closer into sleep. Just as her eyes slipped shut, Cassian spoke up.

“I put in leave papers today. Three months.” 

Jyn suddenly snapped awake but didn’t move. “Oh,” was the only thing she managed to produce, took shocked to say much else.

“I put in yours too,” Cassian continued without missing a beat. Jyn pushed herself up, leaning over him with her hands pressed onto the bed on each side of his head. Unfazed by the confusion creasing her brow, he moved a hand to rest high on her thigh, a soft smile pulling at his lips. 

“Cass,” she sighed in exasperation as Cassian moved to sit up and lean against the headboard, dragging her along with him. She leaned into his chest unconsciously, partly because of the cold and partly because he was Cassian. “I told you I wanted to be here, and I meant it. I’m not going to run and you don’t need to-”

“I know, Jyn,” he said softly, cupping the side of her neck so his thumb could caress her chin. “I believe you. I know you’d miss the fight and Bodhi and that damn smuggler and his wookie. You’ve become a rebel through and through.” For a second, Jyn was blown away by that revelation, that she would stay for the captain and leave for him just as easily, but she would always be a part of the fight. “But I have a point to make to Draven,” he continued, face set like stone, determined. “He needs to know that I stay here with you or I’m leaving with you. This isn’t a choice he’ll be making for me.”

Jyn’s heart thundered. “And they let you?”

Cassian grinned, something that made him look younger and much more dangerous. “Well, I wasn’t exactly asking.”

“Where will we go?” Jyn couldn’t help the breathless excitement from seeping into her voice, shifting in the captain’s lap in a way that made him clench her hips tighter.

“Anywhere,” he said breathlessly, pressing a hard mouth to hers, her fingers moving to his shoulders. “I was thinking Chirrut and Baze would enjoy some company.” Jyn smiled, bright and pure, illuminating the dark room. 

“And Bodhi?”

“I gave him the coordinates to find us. Three weeks is his estimate.”

Jyn felt something blossom in her chest, light and buoyant. Something she hadn’t truly felt since she was a girl on Lah’mu, running exuberantly through tall blades of vibrant green grass as her father chased her with a grin. Happiness, she knew.

“Cassian, you’re…I…” she had a hard time trying to form the sentence, overcome with emotion, so instead she kissed him sweetly, long and gentle, the soft burn of tears pricking at her eyes.

“I know, Jyn, I know,” Cassian whispered into her ear when they parted, pressing her bare body flush against his with a hand at her back, nose to nose and heart to heart.

The night passed quickly, all exploring tongues and possessive hands and shared breaths. They departed several hours later, after little sleep and a short but meaningful farewell with Solo and the princess that was less of a goodbye and more of a promise – Han expected nothing less from Jyn. The hangar was quiet when they boarded the ship, all necessary belongings packed into small bags they slung over their shoulders, and Jyn was glad for subtlety of their exit. 

When Cassian made the transition into hyperspace, Jyn watched dazedly from the co-pilot’s seat as the individual stars blended into a blur of pulsating blue lights, the galaxy melting around them. He smiled softly and reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers and pulling her into his lap where the hope in her gaze collided almost violently with the promise in his.

And she swore that she could see constellations burst in his dark eyes and feel galaxies erupt in her stomach.


End file.
